Last May, I wrote about “Giving Myself Permission” – I wanted to let go of this feeling that I SHOULD be perfect in presenting myself online. I was also being hard on myself because I felt I often didn’t have the perfect topic to discuss on my blog. I decided that it was time to write again and found myself facing the same predicament. I had a topic but could not find the right way to present it etc. Then, I realized, I had to stop trying to present the information and just share what I was experiencing!
As we embark on the journey of a new year, the topic I would like to present is FEAR! For many of us, fear has become a normal aspect of our lives, so normal indeed that we barely notice how it has controlled our lives and limited our attainment of personal dreams. For others, fear has become a great excuse to avoid making changes, worthwhile changes in our lives. For a select few, fear has become a challenge that we encounter regularly and that forces us to confront ourselves and deal with being uncomfortable.
I fall into the category of fear being a challenge – a very uncomfortable challenge. I only realized how fear had controlled my life when in 2011, I took a graduate course on death and dying and realized that my fear of dying was paralyzing my secret desire to live! I was so afraid to die… that I was afraid to live! SIGH … I knew things had to change and I started forcing myself into uncomfortable situations. Situations where there was an undertone of fear, but no real cause for it.
I recently moved back to the city where I grew up – a city that brings up a lot of emotional memories (negative ones) and as a result a lot of fear. Now, I spent 8 months living on an ashram where controlling the mind/ thoughts was at the forefront of daily life, so you would think I would have a hold of this. I also made choices in the last year that are much scarier than the things that are currently causing fear for me. Unfortunately, fear never goes away. Fear is constantly there and it’s up to each one of us to overcome it because the consequence is life – living fully without any regrets. So why am I still so afraid?!
In my case … – first of all, let me take the time to mention that I decided that 2015 was my year of vulnerability (thank you Brené Brown!) – fear of others’ judgements is at the forefront. It’s not even death anymore, it’s the thought of making a fool out of myself, pursuing this life of love, happiness, peace and bliss … and falling flat on my face. The “it’s too amazingly good to be true phenomena”. But, I am starting to realize, and I know I also read this somewhere that we are so used to hearing the message that things are supposed to be difficult, not as planned etc. that when things go right instead of enjoying every moment we wonder when the bad will arise?!?! It was Susan Jeffers who said “Feel the fear… and do it anyway” – so daily, as I feel the fear arise, I have to remind myself that I have 2 choices. I can succumb to the fear and live a very sedentary life …and eventually die; or, I can face my fears and experience whatever happens! (this option has always been full of pleasant surprises:)
Whatever happens?!?! Another obstacle. We feel fear because we do not like not knowing what will happen next. We like stability, 9 – 5 is what it is, knowing that tomorrow, like the day before, our life has been prescripted. You might be thinking – prescripted?!? YES! Prescripted! You do not actually believe that waking up each day, dragging your feet to work like a drone is something you are consciously choosing to do!? It’s a societal rule – and you abide by it unless you are willing to face your fear and live the life you dream of.
As I work with clients and experience life myself, one of the basic obstacles to pursuing the dream job, personal goals, or making worthwhile changes in our lives, is fear. Join me as we make 2015 the year of vulnerability and face our fears to see what’s waiting for us on the other side of the unknown!