Stumbling … over fear

Stumbling over fear … what could that possibly mean?! Exactly what I have been experiencing for the last 3ish days.

In June, I offered my “baby” Define YOU Define YOUR Purpose for the first time. I was fearless, confident that the universe had set me in this path for a reason and events were falling into place perfectly. I prepared myself with my favourite affirmation “everything is happening perfectly.” I offered my workshop, was satisfied that it actually went as my heart had desired and tucked it all away until now. The official LAUNCH (official because initially this workshop was developed to be offered at the Sivananda Yoga Retreat) is in about 4 days! As I realized I was about a week away from this moment, I stumbled over fear. I was procrastinating and staying far away from my PowerPoint presentation that absolutely needed to be tweaked and modified for this new venue. I found myself spending “precious” time in front of Netflix or reading a book, all to avoid coming face to face with this presentation.

As I explored the “avoidance” and stumbled over fear; I realized that I was afraid that I would find a workshop that “sucked” … ugh … or something that wasn’t good enough, with less than a week to tweak it, I had to come face to face with the fact that I was slowly self-sabotaging my “baby”. I waited a day to feel brave enough to face the workshop and, although I AM slightly panicked by session 1 (welcome guest speaker at Satsang) … I went into my tool box and pulled out some positive affirmations to support me and push the negative thoughts that fear was bringing along, out of the way. In all honesty, I am not sure what did it for me; but, I believe it was putting on some inspirational music as I cut and pasted and reviewed the slides and information I wanted to present. I reminded myself why I was doing this over and over again – I had a message to share and it was OK if not everyone agreed and I did not make everyone jump in with me. I reminded myself that I AM NOT PERFECT! That’s a big one for me! I reminded myself that it was OK if people rolled their eyes at my presentation and nodded off (for those of us who have sat through many Satsangs, we know that after a long day … they can get a little long). I reminded myself that it was OK to be just ME, VULNERABLE and AUTHENTIC … ME! Thus, stumbling over fear …

I’m switching gears here – have you ever been faced with a recurring fear or anxiety and you are just not able to identify why it’s there? In the last week, an unfortunate event put me face to face with one of my biggest anxieties. I realized that I have been stumbling over fear over and over again… and two things came to mind:

  1.  “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result” Eva May Brown
  2. “Fear will never go away […] The only way of getting rid of fear of doing something is to go out and do it.” Susan Jeffers

… ❤ ME