Four months ago, I got my hair trimmed … or so I thought.
I left very unhappy and after about a week, I called to cancel my next appointment.
After getting a much-deserved refund, I thought to myself. Why did I trust a woman who didn’t take care of her own hair, to take care of mine?! I’m embarrassed to say, this wasn’t the first time she messed up my haircut.
My tight and unique curls make it difficult to find a hairdresser outside of Montreal/ Toronto who can cut my hair.
I dragged myself to the appointment – I didn’t even want to go. But, I needed to get my ends trimmed. I felt she was my only option … “It couldn’t be that bad…”
You’re probably wondering, what does this have to do with coaching?
I believe finding the right hairdresser is like finding the right coach.
The default hairdresser was local. However, looking back, I realize that I never liked going to see her. She often forced her hello that sounded more like an “oh, it’s you again” (yes, I know, it could’ve been my perception). But, I often felt a knot in my gut and was nervous – she once cut me with the clipper, make that twice. I didn’t feel at ease. Conversations were short. Awkward silences were common, and I often felt speaking up to make any kind of request was not welcome.
Today I’m laughing at how terrible this was, and, remind myself how important it is to listen to my whisper. To trust that I know what I need and what’s comfortable for me.
I also acknowledge that driving 2 hours to see my usual hairdresser is a worthwhile investment because I value her work.
She’s passionate about cutting curls, talented, listens to my style requests, cares about me, has taken the time to build a relationship with me, she knows what’s going on in my life, and she wants to see me smile when I leave the hair boutique. And, as a bonus, she has beautiful tight curls that inspire me to create a similar definition in my hair.
The default hairdresser had none of the above.
When you meet a hairdresser or coach for the first time, this is how the interaction will often play out:
You sit in the chair and tell them what’s troubling you. Lack of life, dullness, falling apart, overwhelmed, out of control, frizzled etc. Often, there’s a lack of clarity in defining exactly what you want. You know something needs to change but you’re afraid of the outcome. What if it gets worse?
You might have a clear picture on your mind, but explaining it is more difficult. You pull out the clipping from a magazine (a.k.a. your vision board).
“See, this is what I want it to look like! Is it possible?”
Blank face. Does she believe it’s possible? Is she secretly thinking it’s not possible? Can she help? Will she be honest if she can’t?
You feel vulnerable.
You want to feel you can trust her.
This is important. You don’t want to make a mistake choosing her, you don’t want to be fooled. You want to feel good.
You want to feel better than you feel right now.
Hmm …, you’re starting to doubt it’s possible.
But this is what you want. It’s been on your mind for months, years. Why can’t she help you the way you want to be helped?!
You’re willing to believe that there’s gotta be someone out there. Someone who will have the magic solution. The one that will help you decide if what you want is the right choice, the right option for who you are. The one who will make you feel comfortable and give you just the right amount of encouragement to step out of your comfort zone. And, when it’s all done, you will feel amazing!
Bottom line, you want to feel that she knows what she’s talking about and doing.
You want a guarantee even though you know there’s no guarantee.
So you wonder.
Does she really understand what I want? Does she really understand my challenges, and how unpredictable it can get? Your life of course, not your hair.
Can she relate?
Sometimes she won’t get it. The complexity of some requests can only be understood by someone who’s had the experience.
So, what do you do?
I ended up cutting some curls to even out my hair. It was a challenge and I would much rather have a professional work through my dead ends.
In life, making positive and meaningful changes also has its challenges. You want someone who will help you clearly define a realistic goal with your dream in mind. Navigate the obstacles to create a smooth transition that won’t create major disruptions in your life; and, offer you the objective guidance and support you need to feel good about the decisions you make.
Everyone needs a professional sidekick. Who will be yours?
Embark on your self-discovery journey with me today!
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